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Labels: School
Labels: Jokes, Mathematics
Labels: Jokes I think
Labels: Jokes, Jokes I think
Labels: Jokes I think
Labels: Jokes I think
Labels: Jokes
Labels: Jokes
Today in class during BM we were eating everything in our pockets example: Mentos, choki and milk choki. The BM teacher didn't come today so another teacher came instead so we all pile behind there chat, eat and laugh. Then the class finish liao. Everyone go back to their places emtpy handed. Why? Because we finish it too fast.
Today morning wushu, I nearly break my hand, legs and head. Hands got kicked by my friend, Legs while doing warm up I nearly break it by doing over my limit, head too much things to remeber not jsut wushu so very painful.
Today before wushu: Got chase by a girl who look like she is going to kill me. Got chased for less than 5minutes twice, third time I was talk to friend and she hit me with a book on my head.
Today after wushu: Went to my friends house wah his grandmother so kind. After 10minutes I went back to school while he was showering.
After school, went back home checking my dad's old phone because my phone got problem. After dad came home, I remeber something about the 2phones I use all no battery so I thought my phone also no battery so I ask my dad to give it back to me, then I go charged it what do you think happen? It was out of battery thats why I can't keep it on for 1second now using it. Save some money for repairing?
Overworked
6:40 AMI have found out the real reason why I'm tired, because I'm overworked! The
population of this country is 237 million: 104 million are retired. That leaves
133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48
million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the armed
forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the
14,800,000 people who work for the city and state government and that leaves
200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 people in hospitals so that leaves
12,000 to do the work. Now there are 11,998 people in prison. That leaves 2
people to do the work, You and Me...
AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE SCREWING AROUND ON MY JOKE PAGE!
HELP WANTED
6:34 AMA local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window,
stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a
computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short
time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign,
looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office
manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the
least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager
said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.
He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then
jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The
sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and
went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program
that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally
dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very
intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't
give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put
his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow."
Talking to God
6:29 AMLittle Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm
spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he
began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy?
What can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to
you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded
in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A
million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous... can I have one
of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."
Bell Ringer Wanted
6:25 AMAfter Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word
through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop
decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the
belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he
decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and
announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with
his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo.Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a
bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to
his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways.When he reached the
street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful
music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the
bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a
bell."
You are over 21
6:23 AMA guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He
told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because
I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still
refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the
robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he
put the scotch in the bag.The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license.They arrested the robber two hours later.
Lunch Money
6:21 AMMOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
Sexing Your Computer
6:04 AMAs you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g.,
"Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently, a
group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be
referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If
you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that
computers should be referred to as if they were male.
Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a
little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.